singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
