My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize