pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
