Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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