I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
