I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
