i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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