Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
being pregnant is like rehab
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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