apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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