You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
