If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
