I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
