Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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