I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
