i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
