make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
