i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize