does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
