On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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