none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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