I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Plan B is the new Plan A
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
