Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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