You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
