I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
