If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
