we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
