we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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