I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize