Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
