Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
be right there i have to get my cape
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
