I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
