Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
