question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
