you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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