is your mom at the bar?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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