You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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