i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
