Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
