I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
