Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize