Kiss
Puke
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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