quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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