Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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