now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
