I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
