sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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