Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
