barbara walters just said penis...
that's an acceptable place to lick
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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