So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dear god my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
