I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
