This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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