You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
