so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
