fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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