Already got asked if we're dating
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
