woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
