He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
