Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
