guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize